Dave, aka: “Funky”

4 November 2005, 21:00 Friday

I got to work (aka: walked 10feet to the left) around 7:00 this morning and we had another “warm up” day because the mission got pushed back a day.  It is a pretty fun working environment.  Everyone gives me a hard time, but it is good natured and we laugh a lot.  Dave and I went to lunch and hung out a little, but mostly I was at work all day until just now.  I flew the plane (directed the payload) this afternoon for about a half hour which was super cool.  LCpl Daniels and I comm’d on the ICS.  Then I helped Top Gomez write up some awards and edited the enlisted Marines’ work after the flights were complete.  Tomorrow the big show starts.  I have so many prayers for all those Marines …over 5,000!  It was very windy all day today (which annoyed me) but I hope it lets up because I’m sure it really bugs the guys actually out in it.  Anyway, the pace will be faster and the atmosphere more serious tomorrow.  We brief at 0530 and will fly till dark all day tomorrow.

Personally, I am solid – neither high nor low.  Music is still a weakness for me as far as forgetting Mike goes.  I had such a good talk with Dave about him yesterday, but it’s still a little raw at some moments…especially when I hear David Gray, or Coldplay, or Fallout Boy, or a dozen other bands and hundreds of songs.  On another note, Patrick and I spoke briefly before I left for AQ and he said he has thought a lot about dating/wants to date.  I mean, I knew that was probably how he felt, but I went ahead and put it out in the open by point blank asking him what he felt.  I admit, there is a part of me that has thought about it, too, but I have very mixed feelings about that for a lot of reasons.  First and foremost, I do not want anything to “happen” because of work.  So, that puts an end to that in my mind, but now I’m afraid he’s going to think it’s ok to act differently with me.  I will talk to him again when I return, though, and clarify my boundaries.

On yet another “note,” I barely heard from Matt while he was home.  Well, in fact, not at all other than me calling him, and then I got a quick email from him yesterday which said he’ll be “off the radar” for a few weeks.  What the Hell?  I can’t help but feel like he hasn’t changed at all.  He talks a big game about communicating, then doesn’t follow through.  I’ve been there to talk and listen to him about Buck and then he essentially blew me off when I was having a rough week and I asked him to specifically please email me while he was home…and he didn’t.  Not once.

I want to be swept off my feet by someone who is completely wonderful inside and out and makes me forget about Mike and Matt.  A man of God whose heart is totally devoted to Him and me, super smart, funny, hot, athletic, active, loves music, etc, etc.  Anyway, I’m tired of past pain.  I want to move forward instead of always looking back on love. 

me being toolish (on purpose ;-p)
taking the bird up
about to launch